


Unwillingly

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-09
Updated: 2006-02-09
Packaged: 2017-11-01 08:57:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Only Lex knows the whole story. [12/01/03]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unwillingly

## Unwillingly

by silvina

[]()

* * *

Standard Disclaimer. Just in case you do own them, my birthday is in September. Or whatever month works best for you. Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com. 

* * *

*Part One: The mystery* 

It scared me at first, and I considered telling Jonathon but I still wasn't 100% sure that there was anything to tell. The blanket was always perfectly folded over the back of the couch and it took me several minutes to notice what felt different about the loft. That blanket had been in the truck the day Johnathon and I found Clark, and had been with him ever since. It was old and worn now, but soft, and still warm. Clark had placed it on the sofa the first night he was allowed to sleep out there, christening the space as his own. Now it lay there perfectly straight, perfectly in the middle of the sofa. Clark was raised to clean up after himself, but the positioning of the blanket wasn't his. Somebody was up here fairly regularly using it. And after thinking on it a little more, I figured that whoever it was wasn't doing any harm. I was curious though, so I started paying attention. I learned a few tricks from Lionel in my time working for him, and I was able to set up the video camera easily. What was on it surprised me though. 

It was Lex Luthor, and I was more shocked then I should have been. To my credit though, he had walked at least part of the way here so he was trying to be covert about what he was doing. He looked angry, and I was worried that there was something more going on, but he let out a deep breath, and his face relaxed. I'd only seen him wear hints of this expression when he and Clark were together. It hadn't occurred to me then, but seeing the transformation I worried about how stressed Lex must be most of the time. It's hard to remember that he might be an adult, but he's still very young. Clark has always seemed older then he should be, he's had a lot of responsibility to deal with. Lex had to grow up fast, and even worse he had to do it under the watchful eye of Lionel Luthor. I do believe that Lionel cares for his son, but it couldn't have been the best childhood growing up with that kind of pressure. 

He looked less stern, but tired. He toed off his shoes and curled up on the couch. He set an alarm on his watch, pulled the blanket over his head, and appeared to fall asleep quickly. Several hours later the alarm goes off and he gets up. He rearranges the blanket and leaves without a single look back. 

I wasn't at all sure what to do now that I knew who, at least, if not why. I know he and Clark had some kind of fight right before Clark left for college. Clark seemed hurt although he wouldn't talk about it, but he stopped dragging his feet about moving into the dorm. My instinct tells me that Lex simply misses Clark. 

I can understand that easily. I miss him something terrible, and I get to talk to him at least twice a week. 

I consider asking Clark what the fight was about the next time he calls, but he very pointedly asks about everyone except Lex. I mention that Lionel is determined to find Lex a wife, and Clark goes silent. After a moment he simply says that Lex is old enough to make his own decisions. He sounds so bitter. 

Still undecided, I waited until the next time Lex slept in the loft. I went up to check on him because I'm a mother. It's my job to take care of my boys. Lex isn't family, but whatever arguement he and Clark had, he's done a lot to protect Clark. It's not like his own mother is alive to coddle him, and yes, I'll admit that with Clark being away from school I needed to feel motherly. That's probably why I couldn't resist brushing a kiss to his forehead after I rearranged the blanket to cover him better. I used to do that for Clark when he was younger, telling him that it would keep away the nightmares. As I pulled away Lex muttered something, and that's what made me leave the note. 

"'m sorry, Clark." 

He seemed so fragile like that. This was not an evil boy, and he was hurting. Clark was too, and I couldn't help but get involved. 

I wrote him a little note, and went back to the house before Jonathon could notice I was gone. 

* * *

*Part Two: Como Sigue* 

By all rights he should be happy. He had everything he'd ever claimed to want. Out of Smallville, he was no longer reminded daily of his culpability in the meteor showers. He was no longer Clark Kent, resident adopted dork, he was Clark Kent, invisible freshmen at Metropolis University. He should have been attending classes and going to parties, not moping in his room waiting until he could call his mother without crying. Martha Kent would hear it instantly, and she would demand to know who had made her baby cry so she could go take care of it. He'd loved that about her when he was younger, and he allowed himself to imagine telling her, imagined watching her browbeat Lex for cheating on her son, and had to laugh at the picture of Martha Kent browbeating Lex into admitting the error of his ways and repenting all his sins, starting with breaking up with Clark. Granted, it wasn't a logical fantasy, but that was the whole point of fantasy. He blew his nose and called home. He listened with half an ear as she filled him in on everything that he'd missed since the last time he'd called. It helped really, distracting him from his more morbid thoughts. 

At least until she mentioned Lex and he focused enough to catch what she had said. "Lex is old enough to make his own decisions." 

That had come out more harshly then he'd meant it to. Maybe she would just attribute it to anger at Lionel Luthor's continued manipulation of his son's life. 

"Of course he is, sweetie. Here's your dad." 

Even more distracted, he barely managed to laugh in the appropriate places as his dad talked. 

He'd never understood why Lex had cheated on him, but suddenly there seemed to be something wrong with the whole picture, beyond the wrongness of Lex having sex with someone else in the first place. 

This was a Luthor after all, and if he was going to cheat, snide comments about not knowing they were going steady aside, he would know how to hide it. There was no way he should have seen what he'd seen. . . unless he was meant to. 

The dial tone reverberated in his ear, and he realized that he should have hung up after saying goodbye. He hung up now, feeling the need to pace. 

He'd noticed the woman leaving Lex's office wasn't wearing a bra. Just because he was involved, and with a man, didn't mean he was blind. 

Her smile beamed with self-satisfaction. This was a woman who had just gotten laid. 

He hadn't realized the implications of that until he pulled his eyes away from watching her saunter out the door and walked into the office. Lex was stretched out on the armchair, a glass of brandy in his hand and a fire in the fireplace. 

Everything had been so perfectly normal until he sat on the couch and noticed just where the woman had left her expensive-looking, black-lace, 36D bra. 

He'd picked it up and flung it at Lex, only withholding a fraction of his strength so that Lex was rubbing his chest in surprise. 

"Did you have sex with her?" 

"Ms. Alexander is the head scientist at Wayne Enterprises. She may not be that good in the sack, but she'll make up for that with information." 

"But, but what about us?" 

"Oh, don't worry. I assure you that I have plenty of energy left for anything you have in mind. As I said, she wasn't very good. You on the other hand . . . " 

Clark blushed, forgetting for a moment what Lex had just admitted to so casually. But then he remembered. "That's not what I meant." He managed to say. "You slept with her? How could you do that to me?" 

Lex laughed, and it wasn't a pretty sound. "Are you upset that I did? That I what, cheated? Geez, Clark, you never told me we were going steady. I didn't even get to wear your fraternity pin." 

To say he'd been embarassed just didn't cover it. Humiliated and mortified were closer. 

He'd managed to walk out of the room, but ran at superspeed as soon as he was out the door, not really caring about the risk. He'd covered about four hundred miles before he realized he was no longer in Kansas, literally, and headed back to the farm. He couldn't even face the loft, his usual place to think and come to grips with his life because it held too many conflicting memories. Lex had kissed him for the first time there. 

He'd shouted "Hi, Mom," before heading to his room and cranking up the stereo, with headphones, of course, because Martha Kent would mutter something about going deaf, and he didn't even think that was possible. The usual assortment of bland, noncontroversial top forty was playing. 

An hour so later his mom brought up the portable. "Phone, honey. It's Lex." 

He'd waited until she closed the door behind herself before speaking, certain that Lex had called to apologize and make things better between them. He was wrong. 

"Clark, I'm sorry about earlier." And he'd been so hopeful that this meant everything was going to be okay. "I didn't realize that I might have been leading you on." 

"Leading me on?" 

"Yes, I apologize for not making sure we were on the same page about our relationship." 

"What are you saying, Lex?" 

"I like you, Clark. We're good friends, and the sex was great, too, but I'm not looking for a relationship. Friends with benefits is one thing, but I don't want to hurt you everytime I look at someone else, whether it be business or pleasure." 

He was hurt and angry and a million other things at once. "Maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore." He'd thought stupidly, that he might have actually hit a nerve then, because Lex paused before replying smoothly. 

"If that's what you'd like. Perhaps it's for the best. Again, Clark, I'm sorry for hurting you." 

And so had ended his first real relationship, even if it have been real only to him. 

Looking back at it now, it seemed just a little too pat. Rehearsed. 

Like maybe Lex had been leading him into saying what he'd said. It might just be his own wishful thinking, but it made a wierd kind of Lex logic if he thought he was protecting himself or Clark. If his mom was right, and he was fairly convinced that his mother couldn't be wrong, it only made his alternate theory that much more plausible. It was definitely more palatable. 

He went online quickly, grateful that the university was on ethernet. Patricia Alexander was the head scientist at Wayne Enterprises, but she was also an old acquaintance of Lex's, again suggesting that that he'd been set up. 

Either way, he was miserable. He could handle business deals, he thought, because overall it was better then being without Lex. More importantly, he was pretty sure now that Lex had allowed himself to get caught to provoke Clark into a breakup, which meant that not only had Lex not wanted to do it, it suggested that Lex needed Clark to do the actual breaking up. If that was true, then Lex did have feelings for him. 

His logic wasn't necessarily all that better then Lex's, but logic was just the art of being wrong with confidence said his philosophy professor. 

He picked up the phone before he talked himself out of calling, his fingers dialing Lex's number automatically. 

"What?" Lex sounded angry. 

"It's me, Lex. Don't hang up." Oh God. 

* * *

*Part Three: Barely Breathing* 

Each time he promised himself it would be the last. The most he'd bargained himself down to was once a week. Once a week he would get some decent sleep. Once a week he would pretend that things were the way they used to be, the way they should be. Once a week he could make believe he was happy. It would have to be enough. He'd already given up everything else. He was sure that one day he'd wake up to find himself facing the business end of Jonathon Kent's shotgun and some difficult questions, but right now this was the only thing he looked forward to. He'd done everything required of him to preotect the innocent, even though he wasn't one. A few hours of sleep didn't seem like too much to ask, even if he could have asked permission. 

His father, having no idea, he hoped, of what he'd done, continued his decrees and edicts. He was sure that a short list of acceptable fiances was currently being put together by drones awaiting final approval. Clark was, as expected, furious with him. He hated that, even though it was exactly what he'd intended. He couldn't take it back, not now, not ever. 

He dreampt of Clark that night. Not surprising really, overall, but unusual for the place and time. This had been a safe place to sleep, because surrounded by memories of Clark, he didn't dream at all. This night though, he might have sworn that Clark had been there. It was impossible though, and no one would ask. There was no one left who would have cared enough to ask. He'd made sure of that. 

The real surprise was that he'd been discovered, but not by the Kent he'd been expecting. Nor had he received the expected welcome. Martha's note simply asked that he park in the driveway so she didn't have to worry about him walking around in the dark, and told him that he was invited to dinner. Additionally, it suggested that he call Clark. He would obey the first two requests, he owed her that much, but not even for Martha Kent could he change his plans. Too much was at risk. 

The next week was especially stressful. Lionel Luthor was releasing rumors in the hopes of forcing his hand, and he'd forgotten to cancel an order he'd made for Clark's birthday. 

It arrived, and he opened it without thinking. Photos of Clark's graduation, both of them smiling like idiots surrounded by friends and family who didn't realize the happy coincidence of their first kiss and graduation. Only the night before Clark had been brave enough to actually mention their mutual attraction. For Lex it had been freeing. That day it was perfectly appropriate for him to touch Clark. A pat on the back, a handshake, a hug, and nobody would think or look twice, even the suspiciuos eyes of Jonathon Kent. One shot, perfectly innocent from all views, had been taken right after Lex had whispered in Clark's ear just what he wanted to do with Clark once they were alone. 

Clark's eyes were wide, but his smile promised that he was entirely willing. Lex had been surprised at the openess of his own smile, but not surprised that Clark would be the one to bring it out. He had ordered two copies of this picture, framed and matted. One for himself, and one for Clark, as a promise of things to come. He'd found out about his father's plans two months later. 

He stared at the photo now. A moment captured forever and placed under glass, but he could only see Clark's face as they broke up. Couldn't hear how Clark had replied seconds after the photographer captured his shot, because he was hearing echoes of Clark's plaintive "Why, Lex? Why did you do this?" 

The ringing phone startled him, and he damned whoever it was to hell as the picture slid out of his hands and fell to the floor, glass breaking. He was tempted to ignore the phone and pick up splinters of glass with his bare hands, but it rang and rang. Someone was determined to talk with him. Finally he answered. 

"What?" He demanded. 

"It's me, Lex. Don't hang up." 

"Clark?" Oh God. 

"Yeah, it's me." 

He swallowed, feeling like he was drowning all over again, but forced himself to ignore the rising water. "What can I do for you?" 

"I need you. It's an emergency." 

Shit. Shit. Shit. He was already heading to the door. "Where are you?" 

"In my dorm room." 

"I'll be there as soon as I can. Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just, just get here, okay?" 

Clark hadn't sounded hurt, and it would take more time to borrow his father's helicopter without permission, but he made the three hour drive in just over two, following the speedlimit only as he hit the university campus and tried to remember the directions to Clark's dorm. He wasn't panicking, because he didn't panic, that Clark had called him. Just because he called after everything Lex had done didn't mean that he must really, really need help. He ran up four flights of stairs because he couldn't wait for the elevator. 

He knocked while catching his breath, only beginning to relax when he heard someone moving toward the door. As soon as it opened, he stepped inside, needing reassurance that Clark was at least physically okay. A little shaken to see him, but not damaged. 

"What do I need to do?" Clark flashed a small smile and gestured that Lex should sit. His choices were a paper covered computer chair, a bean bag, or the bed, so with great reluctance he sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Clark. "Just tell me what you need." 

"Did you sleep with Patricia Alexander?" 

"Yes. I already told you that." 

"After we got together?" 

He blinked. "Yes." 

Clark frowned. "You're lying." 

"No, I'm not." 

"You're lying. I know you Lex. I know when you're lying to me." 

"I'm not." 

"Why did you let me think you'd done that?" 

"I-" 

"Who were you trying to protect? Yourself? Me? The truth, Lex." 

He tried to come up with something, anything to throw Clark off the track. 

"Your father asked my mother to research potential brides for you." 

When had he lost the ability to think? 

"I have this theory, you see." Clark moved closer. "I think you didn't sleep with Ms. Alexander that day. I think you created that scene so I would find you. And I think you did it so I would break it off." He was right in Lex's face, eyes shining, cheeks flushed, and Lex could hardly focus on anything else to hear him. "You're the scientist, Lex. What do you think of my theory? Am I right?" 

Clark's lips were centimeters from his, and he couldn't stop his tongue from licking his lips, practically tasting Clark he was already so close. Too close. 

"Well?" 

He didn't make an actual decision, but somehow Clark's lips were on his, or his were on Clark's, and it was just TOO MUCH. He moaned, and Clark was pushing him down and kissing him, was on top of him, and after denying himself for so long it was just TOO FUCKING GOOD. He was coming in his pants, but Clark just slid off to his side, not pulling away, and caressed his face. He started to speak, although he had no idea what to say, especially now, but Clark stopped him. 

"No more lies, Lex. I'm not leaving you again." 

He nodded. "Okay." 


End file.
